I quickly made a check of Facebook this morning only to find that my half-brother who has never really been interested in having much of a relationship posted that his son, my nephew had died… 2 weeks ago. I guess it is only appropriate that I found out about the death of his child on Facebook, as this was also how I found out about his birth. This post is in loving memory of a life cut short as well as for a miscarriage from a few years ago that still haunts me. I made it to the beach today only in my mind (house), but it was a much needed mental get away.
Below is my contribution to the Daily Promt. The topic for the day is – “You’re at the beach, lounging on your towel, when a glistening object at the water’s edge catches your eye. It’s a bottle — and yes, it contains a message. What does it say?”
I left the house this mourning to find a secluded place to sit on the beach. I needed a place to think, and to write. The sand and the sun are warm, but the wind is whipping in torturous spurts as I feel it always does in times of sorrow. I found out today that a child has died.
I take out my paper and begin to write a eulogy to a child I’ve never met; maybe to this child as well as a pregnancy that never was able to grow. The words flow like the tears I’ve been holding back. Once I’m done, I place the paper in a beautiful blue bottle, seal it, and send it into the sea and hope She is able to wash away my misery. I’m good at this, bottling things up and trying to throw them away.
I sit on the beach for a long while and am only vaguely aware of the passing of time. I watch dolphins play in the distance and secretly wonder how they can be happy on a day like today. I pair of lovers walks hand in hand down the water’s edge and I wonder if they’ve ever known loss. I am angry at them for no reason other than they are happy.
I close my eyes and realize I’ve been listening to the same sound for several minutes now. I look out and discover it is my bottle, returned to shore, bobbing, and tapping against a shell to get my attention. I know it’s my bottle, but it seems to urgently want me to open it and discover its contents; so I do.
To my sweet child that never was, and to my beautiful nephew who left too soon,
Know that even though your time with us here on earth was ever so short, you left a mark on our hearts, and will evermore grow and thrive there. You will never be forgotten. You will always have a home in our memories. Your lives will ever be honored. Be well our little ones, your brief time here brought us great joy and that will always be cherished.
With never-ending love,
Momma/ Auntie Heather
My bottle, the Sea, perhaps my soul are telling me that I need to read my own message. I do. I smile a little to myself and gather my things remembering happier times. I know there will be ups and downs, but for now I’m up; and I will cherish this feeling as long as I can.
Please check out some of the other posts from today’s topic; I have listed some of my favorites below.
Photograph: Bound to the Shore